FURTHER AWAY FROM HERE

From the cashier counter Amy called me over.

“Genna! The phone!”

At dinnertime Erny’s Diner is usually flooded with people and today was no different. Businessmen in suits and ties, large families, couples in love - all were coming in, sitting down and ordering food. I ran without a breath to spare from one table to another and back to the kitchen, back and forth. I carried plates of food, trays of drinks, ice cold water, utensils, you name it.

So, the phone call came at the wrong time, but I rushed over anyways.

“It’s Derrick, again,” Amy told me.

I quickly pulled my hair into a ponytail, and picked up.

“Hello?”

“Hey babes, it’s me!”

“Hi, Derrick, I can’t talk right now. We’re understaffed and it’s dinnertime!”

“Yeah, yeah, I can see that. I called your cell phone a few times, but got your voicemail.”

“Yes. My phone is in my locker, because I am working! You could have just left me a message.”

“Maybe I didn’t want to leave a message. Why you being such a bitch? Can a guy just call his girl once in a while?”

“Yes, but does it have to be now? I can’t talk! Did you want something?”

Amy brushed her right index finger up against her throat implying it’s in my best interest to hang up immediately, but I didn’t.

“Listen girl, that’s kind of embarrassing to ask now, but we’re out of milk. I forgot to tell you. You left for work before I woke up, and when I woke up this morning I used the last bit for coffee. And I just remembered, so I figured I’ll give you a buzz, you know? Before you see there’s no milk for your coffee tomorrow morning and bitch at me for not telling you sooner.”

“Are you serious? You called me for this? Can’t you just go and buy some milk yourself? I’d appreciate it! I have no time for this.”

“Genna, you know I don’t have any money. Why you have to always point it out subtle like that? And I used the whole thing as an excuse just to call you anyway. I happen to miss you.”

A family of four walked in. Amy nudged me, picked up four menus off the counter, and left me alone with Derrick.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright, babygirl. You know I love you… So you’ll pick some milk up, right? ‘Cause we’re really out of it.”

“Sure,” I said. “Listen, I’ll probably be home late tonight, Derrick.”

“Again? Why you gonna be late again?”

“I had to pick up a few extra shifts. I need to have the rest of the rent by Wednesday, you know that. But I really can’t talk right now. I told you - we’re busy here! I’ve got to go.”

I hung up the phone as Amy returned.

“God, he can be such an asshole!” I hissed a little too loudly.

“I feel for you,” said Amy. “Why are you with that greaseball anyways?”

“Please, Amy, that’s my boyfriend you’re talking about.”

“So what? I don’t like him!”

“You don’t know him. He can be a good guy sometimes.”

And that’s when Ernie yelled at Amy from behind the bar.

“What the hell am I paying you for, Amy?” he shrieked all red in the face like always. I didn’t want to get Amy in trouble, so rushed back to the kitchen and stayed out of the way.

It seemed that this day was never going to end.

*** 

     Francesca quit today. It happened right after I got off the phone with Derrick. She just sort of lost it. It was a big scene.

     Francesca was a girl working the grill. The ribs she made were absolutely delicious. I didn’t know her well. I don’t think anyone did. She was a Spanish girl - the quiet type, but young and pretty. And while everyone else wore dry-cleaned and neatly pressed uniforms, Francesca walked around in a grease-and-sweat soaked t-shirt, and whistled.

Ernie is never nice to anybody. I’m not even sure what happened. I was serving drinks when I heard raised voices.

Glass shattered.

Francesca had thrown a pickle jar on the floor. I don’t know what Ernie said to her, but it certainly had done it.

“Who the fuck do you think you are, maricon?” Francesca screamed at him. “I didn’t sign up for this shit! Let’s not go through that, okay? Let’s just not go through that!”

     She left shortly after. Cleaned out her locker and left her apron on the floor.

***

After Francesca left the flood of customers subsided and Amy and I sat down on the front steps under the neon Erny’s sign.

The apostrophe in Erny’s was blinking to an imaginary beat.

Amy lit a cigarette and I sipped tea from a Styrofoam cup. Amy carried on with our conversation as if nothing had occurred in between.

“I don’t believe you, Genna. You deserve so much better than Derrick. He’s all stumpy and always snarky, as if everybody owes him something. I don’t like him.”

“You don’t know Derrick that well. It’s not his fault that he acts this way. It’s just his personality.”

“Some personality… His shlong must be a ten-incher. Is that it? Is that why you’re so hung up on him? ‘Cause damn girl, you clearly see something there that I don’t. All I’m saying is that you bust your ass for him and he walks all over you!”

“That’s just a façade,” I tried to defend Derrick again. ”Under all that he’s a sweet guy.”

“Sweet guy?! Please! When was the last time he bought you flowers? Oh, I’m sorry, I forgot, he has no money.”

“He’s been unemployed recently, yes, but he’ll get a job,” I told her.

“Doing what? He can’t even buy his own groceries. And he hits you!”

“He does not!”

“Don’t bullshit me,” Amy raised her voice and I didn’t say anything to that.

“Well, then I rest my case,” she shook her head at me. “He’s a neurotic lazy bastard, Genna!”

“He hit me only once,” I said.

That was a lie! It happened on two separate occasions, not once. I just didn’t bother to tell Amy about the first time. It was no big deal, and he was sorry.

“Only once, Amy, and that’s not the point.”

     “What is the point then?”

     “The point is that I think I love him.”

     “It’s not love if you have to think about it.”

     “Okay, I don’t have to think about it. I know I love him.”

     “Girl, you don’t know what love is. How old are you? Like, twelve?”

     “I am twenty!,” I told her.

     “Compared to me you’re still a fucking kid, Genna. And believe me, you have a lot to learn about love!”

Amy sighed and looked at me.

“Please understand that you’re my little sister, Genna, even if we’re not related and we’re not even that much alike. I still love you and feel protective over you and that kid is bad news. You’re the one who’s working to support his sorry ass.”

“Oh by the way, I wanted to thank you for that, Amy,” I strategically angled for a subject change, “you really helped me out with getting this job. My first week here is almost over and so far I think I’m staying.”

“Did Ernie talk to you about it yet?” she asked me.

“No, not yet, but I work hard and I just picked up extra shifts. I think it’s going to work out.”

Amy nudged my shoulder and I nudged her back and we both laughed.

“What happened earlier?” I asked her.

“You mean that whole bizzaro scene in the kitchen? Fucked if I know, I was at the counter the whole time. I don’t know what happened, but the usual I assume.”

“The usual?,” I asked.

“Yeah, Ernie probably touched her or something.”

“Touched? You mean sexually?”

“Duh, yes, I mean sexually. And she’s not the first, believe me. It had happened before and everyone knows it, but nobody really talks about it.”

“Really?” I was astonished, “well, has he ever made a pass at you?”

“Me?” Amy laughed, “Hell no! He knows I’d rip his face off if he ever came onto me. So he just yells at me, as if I care. But he did ask me to dip my pinky into his coffee once.”

I couldn’t believe that!

“Yeah,” Amy nodded, “I never told you about that? I was working behind the bar one morning and Ernie asked for a cup of coffee. And I served it to him, but forgot the Splenda on the side. ‘It’s alright,’ he tells me then, ‘why don’t you stir my coffee with your pinky, sugar, and make it sweeter?”

“Eww…” I cringed.

“Yeah, can you believe that?” Amy shook her head. “Ernie is not a bad person, really,” she said. ”He’s just an old and bitter man. And men are pigs.”

We heard a thunder and Amy stood up.

“Come on let’s go back inside. It’s going to rain soon.”
     Ernie called me into his office shortly after.

***

     “And how do you like working here, Genna?” Ernie asked me after he shut the doors behind him.

     “It’s a great job, sir,” I said, “it pays my bills and I like the comfortable schedule.”

     “’Comfortable schedule,’ that’s an interesting way to put it.”

     “Well it doesn’t conflict with anything else in my life,” I said, ”and you pay well.”

     “Pay well,” Ernie repeated my words, “yes, yes I guess you can say that. I see you have been working hard. How long have you been here now, Genna?”

     “Tomorrow will make it a week, sir.”

     “Tomorrow, eh? So it’s been six days and you like it here, yes?”

     “That’s right, sir.”

     Ernie’s office smelled of liquor and cough medicine. The shades were down, only a bright table light illuminated the small, cluttered space. Ernie sat down behind the desk and motioned his wrinkly arm towards the chair in front of him, implying I should sit down.

     I did so.

     He tiled the table light directing it straight at me and I felt like I was about to be interrogated.

     Ernie scratched his balding head.

     “So you like it here,” he said for the third time. “Good, good… I’m glad you feel welcome, Genna. I hope you continue to work for me, you’re a good waitress. A very good waitress.”

     Ernie seemed unusually nice.

I don’t know, maybe because every single time he would parade around the diner he was always yelling at one staff member or the other. The rest of the time he was in his office. I’ve never really seen him calm like that, and yet I still felt intimidated, as if I was observing a sleeping snake.

Ernie’s eyes pierced mine with a deep intensity, an intensity I’ve never felt from another human being. It seemed as if he looked through my pupils beyond my skull and straight into my brain.

It felt strange and I cringed.

     “You seem a bit shook up,” he said, “would you like a drink?”

     “I can’t drink.”

     “You’re not pregnant, are you?”

     “Oh no, sir, I’m not,” I shook my head. ”I’m just not old enough yet.”

     “Not old enough? How old are you, Genna?”

     “Twenty, sir.”

     “Twenty? Nonsense! Of course you can drink. Boys younger than you go to the army nowadays. And when you’re twenty years old you have the right to own a gun of your own, did you know that?”

“I don’t need a gun, sir,” I said.

Ernie nodded – ”If ye’r old enough for that, who says you can’t handle one drink? Let me fix one up for you!”

     Ernie opened a drawer on the left side of his desk and pulled out a half-empty bottle of Jack Daniels. He reached into the right side of his desk and pulled out two glasses.

     “Of course you can drink. And we also need to celebrate. You see, I happen to think you’re a good waitress. Therefore I’d like to keep you on board, if you’re up for it. You know what I mean? Are you up for it?”

     I nodded, “Yes, of course I am! Thank you, sir, very much for this opportunity.”

     “Don’t mention it. We’re all happy to have you. You’re way prettier and a better waitress than half the girls here, and you’ve only been here a week, yes?”

     Ernie poured the drinks and took a large gulp. I took a sip of mine. It tasted buttery and bitter, just the way this office smelled.

     Ernie stood up and walked over to the shelf, opened up a drawer and pulled out a file.

My file.

He opened it, made a note about the permanency of my employment, and signed it in scarlet ink.

“Please sign here, Genna,” he said as he pointed at the line below.

I took the pen and was surprised by how hot and heavy the pen was. I signed my name and Ernie’s face stretched into a smile.

     “Very nice,” he said. “Now you’re mine, so to speak,” he laughed

A dry and frigid laugh.

“Would you care for another drink?” he asked.

     “No, sir, thank you. I think I’m fine.”

     Ernie’s palm crept on the upper left side of the armchair I was sinking in.

“But your work day just ended. You should be able to enjoy yourself.”

     “I am enjoying myself, and thank you for the promotion, but it’s already late, and I have to get home. My boyfriend is waiting.”

     I stood up.

“Thank you once again, sir,” I said, “I promise you, you won’t be disappointed.”

“I bet, I bet,” said Ernie, “get home safe now, sugar.”

Sugar.

He placed his hand on my shoulder and led me to the door of his dark, cluttered office. I flinched, quickly pulled the door wide open, and rushed outside.

Amy was still at the counter.

“Jeez, Genna, did you just see a ghost or something? You’re all pale!”

I opened my locker, quickly grabbed my bag, threw on my jacket, and let myself out.

                               ***

     The rain was coming down hard.

I stood in the light of the blinking neon Erny’s sign. My hood was still down, and I didn’t bother to cover my head. My hair was getting soaked by the second and I knew I should do something about it, but my arms didn’t want to listen.

     I walked to the corner of the block and didn’t wait for the light to switch. I crossed the street, walked into a phone booth, shut the door behind me, and leaned my head back.

The raindrops raced each other down the glass. I watched them. I rooted for some and despised the others.

     Then I picked up the receiver, threw in a quarter and dialed my home number. It rang a few times. Then Derrick picked up.

     “Hello?”

     His voice echoed as if he were a million miles away.

     “Hellooo?”

     I opened my mouth and was about to say something, but the words jammed somewhere inside my esophagus, and I knew I’ll throw up the second the first sound will leave my lips.

     So I kept silent and took deep breaths.

     Derrick heard me.

     “Hey, who is this? Genna, is that you?”

     I shook my head.

     “Hello? Hey, I can hear you, asshole! I know you’re there. Who is this? Speak up!”
     I held my breath.

“Don’t you fuckin’ call here again, you fuckin’ prick!”

Derrick hung up and I was left alone with the dial tone. I listened to it for what seemed like an eternity, till the operator’s voice alerted me: “Please, hang up the phone and dial again.”

I walked back out into the rain and stood at the bus stop for a few minutes watching the traffic light change from red to yellow, to green, to yellow, and back to red again.

The bus came, but nobody got on or off. It stood there in the rain for a few seconds, the doors closed and it drove away.

I was still in a daze when a honk of a yellow taxi cab woke me up. It pulled up by the side of the road, the window rolled down, and an old balding man with tinned glasses waved at me.

“A cab, miss?”

I pulled a door handle and got inside. My clothes were soaked and cold shivers ran down my body. The traffic light changed and the cab began to move.

“Ah, what weather we’re having!” the old cabby said in an ancient voice. “The rain’s really coming down now, just something awful! Where are you traveling to this evening, miss?”

“Away,” I said. “Please, just take me further away from here. As far away as possible.”